Inquiry # 356: CONTEST: "Name The Varmints"

Hypothesis: The Varmints need names. Or maybe they have names we're not aware of. Names that evoke both the character of the Varmint and the absurdity of the world it lives in. Drawing on the collective imagination of the general populace is the best way to locate the perfect names.

Timeline: Tentative deadline for entries is October 9, 2003. This may be pushed back if insufficient data is collected.

1st Prize: A guest appearance as an ink drawing in Muddlemarch.

Judging Criteria: Whatever works for the Varmints.

Requirements: see graphic (above).

Parameters:

1. The contest is open to all ages, friends of the author, government employees, foreign nationals, dogs and cats, and anyone else who cares to enter.

2. You may submit names for all Varmints, or only one, or two, or three.

3. The best names for each Varmint will be culled from all entries. Thus it's possible there will be more than one winner. All winners will recieve First Prize.

4. Winning entries will not grant the contestant any rights of ownership over the character, or ownership of the name in association with the character, or any possiblility of profiting from any publications or merchandise featuring the Varmints.

5. Entries may also be submitted by e-mail to nskorpen@earthlink.net. Please don't send large, high-resolution pictures.

6. To view Varmints in action in their natural habitat, click here.

7. Note: the Mouse is a girl.

Conclusion:

Varmint nomenclature proves to be a demanding science. From the wealth of data collected, certain entries fall into two critical categories: Runners-Up and Winners. The findings are displayed below.